Dear RJAN,
I wanted to take a moment to share a thought that has been on my mind as you navigate your own careers and lives. There’s a piece of wisdom I’ve come across on a billboard while driving home from work in 2008: “No amount of success at work will compensate for failure at home.”
And recently I encountered a quote from an educator and religious leader, David O. McKay, advocating success at home: “…no worldly success can compensate for failure in the home.“
“The home is the first and most effective place to learn the lessons of life: truth, honor, virtue, self control, the value of education, honest work, and the purpose and privilege of life.
Nothing can take the place of home in rearing and teaching children, and no worldly success can compensate for failure in the home.”
-David O. McKay
At first glance, this might sound a bit extreme or old-fashioned, but the more I’ve reflected on it, the more I see its truth. Let me explain why this matters, both through examples and research from psychology and happiness studies.
Real-Life Examples: Steve Jobs vs Richard Branson
There are countless stories of individuals who achieved great success in their professional lives but realized, often too late, that their personal lives—family, friendships, and relationships—suffered in the process.
Take, for example, Steve Jobs, one of the most iconic entrepreneurs of our time. And one of Joseph’s entrepreneurial heroes. He built one of the most successful companies in history, Apple. However, he later admitted that he had neglected personal relationships, particularly with his first daughter, Lisa.
In his later years, he expressed regret about the time lost and the relationships strained due to his obsession with work. Though his professional success is undeniable, his personal reflections reveal that the cost on his family life was significant.
On the other hand, consider Richard Branson, the founder of the Virgin Group. Branson has often spoken about how he prioritizes family life and how spending time with loved ones has been central to his well-being.
Despite building an empire of over 400 companies, he maintains a balance that allows him to nurture relationships with his family. He credits his family’s support and the joy he derives from his personal life as key factors in his long-term happiness.
Scientific Evidence from Psychology and Happiness Research
Numerous studies support the idea that our personal relationships—especially within the home—are far more important to long-term happiness than professional success or wealth.
- Harvard Study on Adult Development
This study, which began in 1938 and is one of the longest-running studies on adult life, followed hundreds of individuals over their lifetimes. The researchers found that the quality of relationships—not career achievements, wealth, or fame—was the most significant predictor of overall happiness and life satisfaction. Participants who reported having close, meaningful relationships were not only happier but also physically healthier, even into old age. The study made it clear: success at work or in the material world doesn’t compensate for the emptiness that comes from a lack of strong personal bonds. - The Grant Study
A sub-study within the Harvard study, called the Grant Study, focused specifically on men’s lives. It concluded that “happiness is love—full stop.” Men who had warm relationships with family, friends, and romantic partners reported higher levels of satisfaction and success in life, while those who focused on work to the exclusion of personal life were more likely to experience loneliness and regret in later years. - The Hedonic Treadmill
Research on the concept of the “hedonic treadmill” shows that material success—such as promotions, salary increases, or even acquiring wealth—brings only temporary boosts to happiness. Humans quickly return to a baseline level of happiness after the initial excitement wears off. In contrast, nurturing relationships and investing in family life brings lasting contentment, as human beings are wired for connection and love.
Work and Family Balance: Finding Work-Life Harmony for Lasting Fulfillment
In our fast-paced world, it’s easy to get caught up in the pursuit of professional success. Believe me because I know, I’ve been there. Promotions, pay raises, recognition, and similar success at work are rewarding and can offer a sense of accomplishment.
But while these are important, I realized that they don’t hold the same lasting value as the deep, meaningful relationships we cultivate with family and loved ones. The challenge isn’t just about balancing work and family—it’s about achieving work-life harmony, where both aspects of your life complement each other, leading to true fulfillment.
The Importance of Work-Life Harmony
You’ve likely heard about work-life balance, where the goal, naively in my view, is to divide your time equally between work and personal life. But life cannot be perfectly balanced between the two. Instead, think of work-life harmony, where your career and personal life are integrated in a way that they enhance each other, rather than compete for attention.
This idea is especially relevant in today’s world, where the line between work and home life is increasingly blurred. Work can be fulfilling, and striving for success is natural. However, when work takes center stage at the cost of family and personal connections, long-term happiness suffers.
Achieving harmony means recognizing that there will be times when work demands more attention, but it’s equally important to ensure that your relationships—your family, friends, and personal well-being—don’t fall by the wayside.
The Impact of Work on Family Relationships
If you’ve ever known someone who consistently puts work first, you’ve likely seen the consequences. They might be stressed, isolated, or feel disconnected from their loved ones. On the other hand, people who prioritize family and personal relationships, even in the midst of demanding careers, tend to have a deeper sense of fulfillment. They may not always have the most impressive job titles, but they often have stronger emotional well-being and a more positive outlook on life.
Of course, don’t forget that there are those like Sir Richard Branson I cited above, who managed to accomplish tremendous feats. He attributed his work success to his strong ties to his family. Therefore, do not think that you can only have one or the other. As what your Mama and I have taught you over the years, you can have both. This is easier to imagine when you start to think that success in one reinforces success in the other. But more often than not, it starts at home.
As what your Mama and I have taught you over the years,
YOU CAN HAVE BOTH.
This is easier to imagine when you start to think that success in one reinforces success in the other.
But more often than not, it starts at home.
Scientific studies in positive psychology consistently show that strong personal relationships are the cornerstone of lasting happiness. Work may provide immediate rewards, but it’s the emotional nourishment from meaningful connections with loved ones that truly sustain us over time.
Practical Steps to Achieve Work-Life Harmony
How do you find this elusive harmony between work and family life?
Again, it’s not about striving for a perfect 50/50 split, but about making conscious choices that allow both areas to coexist in a way that supports your overall well-being. Here are some practical strategies to help you achieve that harmony:
1. Set Clear Boundaries
One of the most crucial steps toward work-life harmony is setting healthy boundaries between your job and personal life. With remote work and constant connectivity, the temptation to blur the lines between the two has never been greater. While your career will always demand more time and effort, your family and personal life are irreplaceable.
Establishing clear boundaries can be as simple as turning off work notifications after hours or making a commitment to have device-free time with your family. This ensures that work doesn’t dominate your life and that you’re fully present during personal time.
2. Be Intentional About Relationships
Just like work, relationships require time and effort to grow. It’s easy to let personal connections slide when work gets busy, but nurturing your family and friendships is critical to long-term happiness.
Make time for regular, meaningful interactions with loved ones. As you know, we’ve intentionally increased our chances to interact with one another by simply being more available for routine family activities like meals, chores, and rituals. It definitely helps that your Mama loves to cook and is phenomenal at it. Thus, our family meals are delightful and events to look forward to in the house.
These small, intentional acts of connection, and many more examples in another article, helped us stay rooted in what matters most.
3. Integrate, Don’t Compartmentalize
Work-life harmony isn’t about separating your work life and personal life entirely, but about integrating the two in a way that supports your goals in both areas. Instead of thinking of work and family as competing priorities, look for ways they can complement each other. For example, flexible work hours might allow you to attend your child’s school event without sacrificing productivity.
It’s also helpful to share your professional journey with your family. Let your loved ones understand your career goals and challenges, and involve them in your successes. This way, your work and family life feel more connected, rather than in conflict.
We’ve been more than fortunate to have made the decision to build businesses that allow us to work around our family’s schedule. In addition, our family ties grew even stronger having experienced many challenges in the businesses together. We also reaped much rewards, such as opportunities to travel and make memories together.
4. Redefine Success
Society often defines success in terms of career milestones—promotions, accolades, and financial achievements. While these accomplishments are important, they aren’t the only markers of a fulfilling life. Redefining success to include personal well-being and healthy relationships is essential to achieving work-life harmony.
True success includes nurturing your family, building a strong marriage, raising secure and happy children, and maintaining close relationships with loved ones. When your personal life is thriving, it often leads to greater productivity and satisfaction at work too.
When your personal life is thriving, it often leads to greater productivity and satisfaction at work too.
5. Practice Flexibility
Work-life harmony isn’t static—it evolves with your changing priorities. Some seasons of life may require more focus on work (for example, starting a new business or taking on a big project), while other seasons will call for more attention to your family. It’s important to be flexible and recognize when to shift your focus.
The key is not to get stuck in one extreme. Periodically reflect on how much time you’re devoting to work versus your personal life and adjust accordingly. Harmony is about creating a flow between both areas, rather than rigidly compartmentalizing them.
Work-Life Harmony in Action: The Long-Term Benefits
Achieving work-life harmony doesn’t just make life more enjoyable in the short term—it also leads to long-term benefits in both your career and personal life. When you take the time to invest in your family and personal relationships, you’re creating a support system that helps you handle life’s challenges more effectively. These relationships act as a buffer against stress and provide emotional support during difficult times at work or outside.
Moreover, studies show that happier, more balanced individuals tend to perform better at work. When your home life is harmonious, you’re more focused, motivated, and productive in your professional life.
Final Thoughts: Prioritize What Truly Matters
At the end of your life, the accolades, promotions, and financial success may bring satisfaction, but the moments shared with loved ones will be what you cherish most. Work can bring great rewards, but it’s the people in your life—your family and friends—who offer the deep, emotional fulfillment that endures.
Balancing work and family can be challenging, but striving for work-life harmony is a more sustainable and meaningful approach. There will be moments when you have to choose between work and family, but when you look back, the memories that will matter most won’t be the late nights at the office, but the time spent with the people you care about.
As someone who has seen both sides of the coin, reflected on my own experiences, and learned from the research, I encourage you to seek a life that harmonizes your professional and personal worlds. Don’t let the pursuit of success rob you of the deeper, more meaningful success that comes from thriving relationships and a fulfilled personal life.
My thoughts and love are with you always,
Papa
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